That was not as bad as I thought

That hit was not what I thought it would be and it's not like I don't care I do but I think I've dealt with and will deal with way tougher things and it would be an insult to falter because of something like that. What can I say..........It's showtime, watch me work ya'll ;)

Activated

So the big news of the day is I'm active! So which part of the set is active.....lets just say your ears will be in for a treat :)

ENOUGH!

Stay Tuned!

A Break

Yup so you guys are getting a break from "The Game" and a little more insight into my head btw, STOP  EMAILING ME and use the comments like normal people :) actually use whatever you can I enjoy arguing,chatting,joking with you guys and gals about various aspects about what I write and what you yourselves write, you keep writing and i'll keep answering!

This weekend was pretty great, I definitely needed it, I can't really describe it other then it was fucking AWESOME even if it was THAT ONE NIGHT  *:)* right now I feel like I'm waiting in the wings to take the stage. Taking the stage is probably the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. It's a feeling you never really get used to I remember  my first time,  I was walking down the hallway that led to the main stage and all along this hallway you could see the marks and dents from those who had walked down that hallway before me expending nervous energy.  Walking down that hall your heart is working beating double fast, your breaths are quick and your sweat is cold.  When I started to climb those steps I remember I held my breath until I made it to the top then I exhaled.

The thing about walking down that hallway is most people never get to see those marks, see that those people that they see on stage, the ones that are bigger then life are just as human as those folks sitting in the crowds, the folks that are buying tickets.   I have no idea why I told you guys that fragment but get used to it, I often will talk about the past as if you guys will automatically know about it.  No I'm not posting what and were if your interested you know how to reach me. Well I have work to do, so I'm going to get to it but I want to leave you with a thought.

I wish I could brush my shoulders off but the weight of the world makes it impossible.   ---- Treuest

1st down

Love had the qb dead to rights but somehow the QB managed to shake free and launch a short pass into a hopes open hands and the crowd went insane. Love is back on his feet and ready for another set of downs. This is shaping up to be one hell of a showdown. We all remember the last time this team made it this far only to lose in the final seconds in one of the biggest games ever to be played. Fans are still feeling that loss to this day. After that loss the critics and naysayers were out in droves saying the career of this athelete was over and he would never make it back to a moment as big as this, well it's my honor to announce that the moment is here and HE is back.



To Be Continued

The Defender has the QB in his sights...

The Quarterback has got his work cut out for him and if he's not careful he will get leveled, we've seen this guy take some incredible hits before but this lineman has always given him trouble and Love has been incredible all game. The defense is set and Love has his eyes dead set on the QB, folks I can tell you right now I would not want to be in that guys shoes when the ball is snapped but if there's anybody who could handle the pressure it's the QB. The crowd is reaching the boiling point as we all wait for the snap to get this down started; the atmosphere is electric, this will be a moment that changes history we can be sure of it


*hut hut Hike*



To be continued

Heart Shaped Blog?

I can definitely feel things picking up and I mean in a very big way, I mean either I am approaching the edge of doing something awesome or I'm about to dive and oddly enough I don't have a theme for this beginning semester Dance Dance from Fallout certainly has the vibe I have flowing right now but the fact that it's fallout boy means there's no way I can have it on my ipod which blows then again it's my F'N pod but even with my pull I would have a hard time explaining why it's being bumped on the car radio back home lol and since thats the case I'm going to go with Number #1 by Nelly that pick will probably leave you guys stratching your heads since He's pretty much one of the softer picks out there ( I expect plenty of Why NO DMX, Onyx or Youngstas)

This year I am not feeling angry or anxious, just focused and ready. It's a little wierd and a bit scary at just how sharp I am becoming things I used to suck at i'm pretty much just doing like second nature like it's nothing to me. Public speaking and pretty much abandoning my lone wolf ideals ( I'll forever be one!) and becoming a leader of sorts I'm still a little wary of that term but I guess I've been one for a while now I just didn't realize it but now that I think about it; seems pretty apparent. In other news I think I've identified this phantom thing that's waiting to nail me and if it turns out to be well there won't be enough bracing in the world to keep me grounded

Wonder if I can afford to let that worry slow up my pace though, I don't really think I'll have a choice as it most definetly will but I guess we will all have to wait an see; One thing is for sure
their's going to be alot of surprises and one GIGANTIC one no one will see coming ;)


D

Tired

I am so unbelievably tired right now , I feel like just curling up under this desk and passing the hell out

Braced

I have no idea why my mind and body are bracing but it's a really crummy feeling when your on high alert because their is something waiting in the wings that will probably do considerable damage. I think I have an idea of what I'm bracing for but if it's that well then I am pretty much just going all out and making EVERYBODY look exceptionally bad sense it will probably make me feel tons better. Yay spreading misery unto an unsuspecting classroom out of spite :) Speaking of class I've finally arrived at the point where I have my first class today.
Human Bio, I admit I don't know a damn thing about the human body other then what HOUSE says. I need a white lab coat, a cane, guitar and a motorcycle ( all doctors need those ) Work study has been a bitch but I'll be getting one or going completly 360 and robbing the drunk and funding myself ( Beer Bottle HILL shall be MINE!)

Also F THE SCHOOL they get enough money so they better not bitch about recycling and who those bottles belong to they can SUCK IT! The mod is pretty nice and so are the folks i'm living with, they and my neighbors (that know me) ask the same question all the time and honestly I'm not sure of the answer anymore, well least not for a few weeks, I know what I feel but the GODSHUN is kind of harsh but I'll whether it I have been through worst, I think the worst part is not knowing but I guess I can't really worry about it since I don't really get a say. So whats a fella to do? Well luckily I have school to worry about but that doesn't stop me from thinking about things when I actually have the time to and let me tell you, it can be a beautiful thing

DOUBTS,NONE

Didn't think I'd be writing another blog so quickly but well I'm bored and things are slow.

First off it's not cheating to write a little offline babe, it just helps me get an idea of what I want to say and how I say it. Second I MISS THE HELL OUT OF YOU, 3rd I won't be here today,gone tommorow (unless Tyra magically appears) 3rdly YES 3rdly I love you but only slightly more then the office but I can love you both I swear I can lol



ALRIGHTY


As of late I've been feeling well for lack of a better term human, usually I feel damn near unstoppable but as of late somethings have just been making me realize just how fragile I can be with somethings, Pride is something I have in spades and learning how that works in conjunction with the rest of my life has been pretty scary. When it comes to work my pride will have me stay till the job is done,completed, in the books and sold. I am just built for all kinds of pressure and while I'm good at what I do (VERY GOOD) I started to feel like a damn robot. So I figured well how do I go about feeling less like a robot and like I'm living a meaningful existence
Well the answer made it's self apparent to me at a time when I wasn't really looking for it and SHE(yes YOU)
made me start to wonder if what I was missing in my life was not just success professionally but success romantically. Well the problem with that was when I was busy getting good at my craft I kinda sorta neglected to learn the art of being around people you REALLY like but somehow I managed to not royally screw it up and we fell in love . Wow this certainly is going all over the damn place, sorry folks I'll try to keep the next entry in bounds and not all crazy.


I still can't really put words to how I feel when I think about her, other then happy

Maybe that's the only word I need,

2nd place

I think I maybe in a losing battle big time, maybe I was just so blinded by the possibility that I continued to move forward no matter what. Is that such a bad thing fighting for something you know you want even if the odds are stacked against you? I mean it's not like I am afraid to fight for this, I am SO ready but I guess I'm worried that what if my best isn't enough, how can I just walk away from something in which i'm so deeply connected. I do not have an answer to that because thats a question I don't really want to face. But I guess it's all on how I respond to this new set of rules an challenges, I'm ready If you are, Walk with me

Where I'm From......and where I'm going-

I decided to put my name in google to remember past accomplishments and it brought back alot of memories.
Reading about yourself I guess can be seen as narcissistic but my purpose wasn't to pat myself on the shoulder. It was to remember who I was at those points in my life. I can tell you back in 03 I was not thinking about college in anyway shape or form. Back then the only thing I had going for me was not accepting things the way they were and fought pretty much everyday to go after the things I desired. I can look back and say my life was not easy in the least and the profession I chose did not make life any easier in fact it added an insane amount of pressure to perform at a high caliber consistently and viciously. My mean streak has lessened with age though all the angry I used to keep and use has become more refined an focused over the years. I am nowhere near as angry as I used to be. I think "angry " gets a bad rap because of some of the things people do when their angry, when I would become outright livid some of my best work would flow out of me because I was that passionate about it.

I wonder what I'll see when I look back in four years , I wonder what kind of man I'll be
What kind of artist, what kind of lover, what kind of a human being

I guess we'll all find out together

Canto

Most days I try and start the day with a quote from the the office I'm thinking about either starting all blogs with one or ending all blogs with an office quote and if you don't like the office or it's awesomeness

Alright let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.

This morning I spent about thirty minutes unclogging a toilet without a plunger( all without getting dirty). How the damn thing got clogged in the first place is a mystery to me, here's what I think happened the same person that took the plunger from my bathroom is the son of a bitch that clogged the toilet and then FLED through the fire door , which just so happens to connect my house to the house next door this is important because that door leads to another floor and on my first night back somebody from over there was on MY floor....probably casing the joint for an easy mark.


Today is shaping up pretty nice I think i'm going to grab a notebook and camp out under a tree and just write.
I like writing these blogs free hand but my blogs are usually better when I write them out a little before hand
So expect the grade of writing here to go from a D to a D+ thats write D is the highest letter on the my grading scale.

I spent about an hour walking around last night listening to my ipod and ended up at the graffiti wall, not to bash the new taggers but they flat out SUCK the school should designate a SCRUB wall for them to use so that the bigger walls could actually have COOL stuff like it normally does. Basically the wall is something anybody can just grab a spray can and go nuts with an unspoken rule is YOU NEVER CROSS LINES (Go over someone elses unless you have permission) Anyway I just sat out there and just thought about a few things, a person and a few goals. I didn't really come to any real conclusions on anything though except that I should wait and see, hope for the best but probably start preparing for bad news since I don't want to end up broken ( not one thing in particular)

2nd and 5th

I just had the longest nap ever and I feel like nothing but pure energy; the thing about the campus being dead till monday is that I have nothing to do but either play xbox,walk around, hang out in my room or go to freshman parties (which suck btw) I chose to do all three plus hang out in the dorms with the few friends I have that already here. The only thing I miss about the dorms is being able to walk up a flight of stairs to my room instead of across campus and through the woods (to grandmothers house we go!) So being back in Mass has been pretty good I'm ready to get started though and know I know one class in particular is going to be super tough since I won't be able to write papers in NORMAL english but instead the needlessly complicated scientist paper. I've always wondered why an institution that claims to be so creative so ground breaking only lets folks show that the know /learned something be doing a research paper.


What happens if I understand the concepts and suck at research papers?


In the world I happen to live in there's about a billion different ways to reach your end game. I wonder if I would be a good teacher, maybe maybe not since I would not stress the minute details pointless things that either do not work in the REAL WORLD or pointless to know in the beginning. One would think that college would arm us/you/me only with tools that would help us be better at whatever we choose to do in our lives, sadly I don't think that's the case.


*climbs off soapbox*

I have to say that I really did miss walking around campus back home, it's such an easy thing to take for granted while your here but when I was back in the city and underground in the subway I missed the hell out of the open skylines and fresh air. It's funny that I said something like that though because in a few weeks i'm going to miss the NY Minute way of things and get annoyed by the MASS Minute.

In other news I kind of have an idea what's going on with something I was a little worried about but it's all cleared up now so I'm happy( I'll be waiting. take as long as you want, although your dundie is in jeopardy,joking)

Alrighty I'm done for the night

1st an 15

Damn has it really been forever since I've last shared the myself with the world? If it isn't it sure feels that way
A lot can change when were not looking and well you've been sleep for a long time so let me fill you in.
The biggest change to happen while you were asleep was that I fell in love with a wonderful woman named Michelle. I honestly do not believe I have ever felt so deeply about another person (unless that feeling was HATE) Michelle is just Michelle and it's great, I know that may seem like a copout but she is just so many things that to describe her anyway else would be an insult. We both consider ourselves lucky to have found one another for the simple fact of how we did it.

One day last winter I was bored and surfing craigslist for miscellaneous swag and I ended up in the personals. As any craigslister of merit knows personals are generally ruled by le porn bots. So I skipped those and I ended up looking through the just friends forum ( that's not what it's called but I forget the name) Since your's truly is a native New Yorker I didn't (still don't ) no much about the geography of Massachusetts so I ignored the location of the post I decided to look at and decided to email anyway. The post was friendly and funny so it was an automatic "HEY you should send an email" an the rest is history. We would spend alot of time just joking around about various things/people/plants/countries/celebrities and before we knew it it would be three in the morning.


I could easily spend the next hour talking about Michelle and I know she would definetly like me talking about how awesome she is and how beautiful I think she is but why would I spend an hour telling you guys that when I can tell her that directly but just in you happen to be reading this I LOVE YOU BABE and I can't wait to see you.

So that was the biggest thing you missed while you were sleep, but not the only thing.

My Summer was full of all kinds of challenges both professional and private, I think I have grown a lot both as a man and as a professional in the sense that I am starting to see the bigger picture. When I was younger it was easier to say HEY FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED ANYBODY BUT MYSELF. But when I was going different places and experiencing different things it dawned on me that NO MAN can get through life entirely on his own.
I think the seed of being part of a community really hit me when I was down in the dakota's and was immersed in the culture of the Lakota people. If I want to be happy both professionally and privately I cannot just ignore everybody else's problems because then their problems become my problems and well everybody needs somebody sometime.

I spent most of my summer in midtown manhattan honestly their was only one thing(person) that could have pulled me out of midtown before I was done that person also happens to have the key to my heart and i think it very unwise to not answer a summons when the person with the key to your heart is the one doing the summoning. Hmm I'm getting hungry I'll finish this later

Dear Monsters, Please wait

So i'm sitting here on the nineteenth floor looking out at the buildings that surround 36th&5th

I'm seeing everything I want.  I used to know  alot of things about life, I knew that love was impossible, Nintendo was awesome and NBC sucked as a channel. 

Things have changed though, I have changed

I'm in love

Nintendo sucks

NBC has The Office

I love you Michelle

Manhattan

I really have forgotten how beautiful the city is at night, the lights, the people just the overall vibe.  I'm in midtown for the next four days shooting a project with my best friend and it's going to be fun but even though I am supposed to be getting my game face and ready to rock I'm  steady thinking about my faery. Let me tell you a little about her, she is one of the funniest people I have ever met.  Seriously she makes me laugh and smile all the time she really makes me life alot happier. Honestly it's hard to punt kick a puppy when your happy :) This isn't one of my best opening blogs but honestly between thinking about Faery and getting ready for heavy production  my mind is gone

D

Mic Check

One..... Two